About a year ago I moved from Amsterdam to Los Angeles, California. It was the best place I could think of that has both great weather and a chance to grow as a cultural entrepreneur.
I went to parties, made friends, swam in the sea, almost drowned, went to desert raves, took a new drug called 2cc, killed black chickens at full moon, took driving lessons, failed my driving test twice, started a t-shirt company with my friend Jonathan, ate at restaurants, downloaded music and worked on a painting.

What really impressed me was the bums.

LA is a strange place where people do not walk. They might walk from their car to the Starbucks counter but only if there is no drive-thru. Because I don’t drive I saw a different side of the city.

I like homeless people in general but LA bums are top of the line. They seem to have fun all the time while working people are stuck in traffic. They have style and grace and humor.

One bum was wearing about a hundred different neck ties. Another one wore wrist bands all over his arms and legs. This other one wore a t-shirt that said 'ZIP ZERO ZILCH' and another one wore a t-shirt with a drawing of a t-shirt.

I saw a businessman in a wheelchair shouting at a bum for five minutes: 'YOU BLACK PIECE OF SHIT YOU WISH YOU COULD SUCK MY DICK I'LL SLICE YOUR FUCKING THROAT' then the businessman gave the bum a few dollars and went back to his office.

Near my studio I met Sir-Laugh-a-Lot, a bum that would tell you jokes for 20 minutes if you gave him a dollar. He had christmas decorations in his dreadlocks. 'You’ll always remember me, I’m Sir-Laugh-a-Lot. I'm the brother that tells you jokes and says EEYA EEYA YO.'
I only remember one of his jokes: 'what do soy beans and dildos have in common? They’re both meat replacements...'

A bum on the bus wore the most beautiful outfit of all different fluorescent jackets and pants on top of each other and she kept singing
'I CAN DO ANY THANG I WANT
I CAN DO ANY THANG I WANT
I CAN DO ANY THANG I WANT'
while dancing in the middle of the bus.
An old guy sitting next to me kept shaving himself the whole trip with a dry razor.
A huge fat black transvestite dude with tattoos on his face and nails longer than his fingers was staring at me the whole trip, which was quite scary. LA bus trips.

At the taco truck I met Jason who had just gotten out of jail and he was so amped on speed he could hardly talk, but he managed to explain what a one dollar burrito is. 'Man I’ve been in the sun for 8 hours I’m ready
to kill somebody, it was nice to meet you'

I gave a bum with no t-shirt some change and he said wow thanks man and I shook his hand.
He started laughing: 'you touched my filthy hand HAHAHA that’s so fucked'

The best place to see bums is downtown LA, where my friend Steven lives. There are so many bums there it looks like there was a nuclear holocaust and only crack addicts survived the radiation. I remember walking with Steven and he mentioned: 'have you noticed all the puddles here? Do you realize it hasn’t rained in 4 weeks? I think you know where those puddles come from.'
At night they all built their tents and had their music and they danced on the sidewalks. Me and Steven went to a downtown bar where the crackheads would sit next to you and stare at you drinking cheap beer.
The bartender looked like Henry Rollins and next to us was Charlie, a young aspiring actor high on crystal meth. He told us he was raped by his producer. The crack heads would ask for change and after a while they started to get pissed, 'fuck you white boy i'll see you outside you gonna die'.
The owner, who looked like a David Lynch character, shoved the crackheads out of the bar with a broom.

That night I rode my bike home passing skid row when a police car pulled over beside me. The lady cop asked me 'do you know where you are?'
'GET OUT OF HERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HURT OK HONEY NOW GO'